Baseball Toaster Bad Altitude
Visit Miller Park!
2007-07-19 13:55
by Mark T.R. Donohue

From where I grew up on the north side of suburban Chicago, it's a pretty easy drive up to Milwaukee for Brewers games. When Barry Bonds was one homer short of 700 and the Giants were playing in Milwaukee, the research department and I drove up for three games straight. Miller Park has a lot of things the ballparks in Chicago don't offer. The guy who controls the music that goes over the PA there is the hippest in the bigs; I heard Franz Ferdinand's "Take Me Out" for the first time at a Brewers game and the last time I was there they played a Get Up Kids song. There's a roof, obviously. There are wide parking lots that stretch for as far as the eye can see and if you get there early enough every sight and smell is one worth seeing. The residents of Wisconsin did not invent tailgating, they merely perfected it. And there's the sausage race, which is even better now that the chorizo is competing. (We're a little unclear on what kept the chorizo out last year. Was its little moustache and big sombrero really any more or less offensive to Mexicans than the already ridiculous and harmless stereotypes the bratwurst, Italian sausage, and Polish sausage might be to their respective represented ethnicities?)

But the best thing about Miller Park is the hot nuts. Top five hot nuts jokes from Tuesday night in Milwaukee:

  1. Dude, could you hold on to my hot nuts for just a second?
  2. Oh, man, I just can't get enough of your hot nuts.
  3. I thought that blonde might like you but she was totally using you for your hot nuts.
  4. I think I got something stuck in my teeth from your hot nuts.
  5. Ever since I saw your hot nuts all I have been thinking about is getting some hot nuts of my own.
2007-07-19 14:48:19
1.   Kels
My friends and I use to work as Painters during the summer, there isn't a "caulk" joke I haven't heard but I still laugh at each and every one.
2007-07-19 15:11:07
2.   Cliff Corcoran
My band hit Miller Park on our way from Pittsburgh to Minneapolis on tour a few years back. I really enjoyed the park. The baseball (2003 Brewers vs. Pirates) left a bit to be desired, however. Despite Ben Sheets starting for Milwaukee, I seem to recall both teams scored double digits largely via the incompetence of their opponent. The Brewers won on a walk-off single by Richie Sexson, but my only reaction at that point, despite the Harvey's Wallbangers-era cap on my head, was that neither team deserved to win a game like that.
2007-07-19 15:13:35
3.   vockins
2 What was the band?

6. So much salty flavor in these hot nuts.

2007-07-19 15:59:56
4.   Cliff Corcoran
2 A now defunct, unsigned, power pop/hard rock outfit called Joanie Loves Trotsky.

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